Raw Recrap...I mean "RAW Recap"
God damn it, who is writing this crap. Last week, I predicted a that the WWE was on the verge of rebounding from the last 5 years of crap we've been subjected to. Last night proved me wrong. After 3 solid shows (even though the 4th of July show sucked, it was important because of the Michael's heel turn, so I'll say it was solid), we get this crapfest.
RECAP:
1)Bischoff comes out to address John Cena's actions from last week. Says Cena will have a non-title lumberjack match against Shitking. I hate when they have the champion in a non-title match and I hate Shitsakey. But I like lumberjacks in a non-sexual way.
2)IC Title Match - Shelton Benjamin def. Carlito (C) by disqualification.
It is announced that the title will change hands on a count out. Immediately I know that Carlito will get himself disqualified. Why does Benjamin keep trying top-rope moves when he can't execute them. He looked really bad. Then Carlito hits him in the nuts and gets disqualified. When in the hell did they start disqualifying for that? I demand that every match Ric Flair has ever won be reversed. I also demand a pastrami sandwich, but keep that pesky Jonathan Coachman away, sneaky bastard.
3)Angle Invitational- Kurt Angle def. Matt Martel by submission (Ankle lock)
I actually didn't mind this, except for the fact that a low-blow will disqualify you but a two minute chokehold won't. What kind of logic is that? Also, I hope this isn't leading to a Martel/Angle match at Summerslam. Please get something better for Angle to do.
4)Diva Search
Holy God, this is the worst thing ever. Last year, the "trash talking" competition was decent, but this year the comments were all pre-taped. And damn these chicks are stupid. Loud "Boring" chant throughout the segment. Who likes this? Who are they marketing this to? WWE has a history of discontinuing angles with no explanation, and I don't think anyone would mind if they did it here. God this sucked. Sucked sucked sucked.
5)Kerwin White/Bischoff/Jericho
I thought this was horrible. Kerwin White is a funny idea gone horribly wrong. "If its not white, its not right"? It was fine for him to say that, but not fine for Bischoff to laugh. This gimmick is making white people look bad. So lets see: white people are bad, Arab people are bad, Mexicans are bad...so that explains why Special K is the WWE champ! Figured it out.
Whats worse is that Jericho asks Bischoff to approve a battle of the bands for next week. I hate when they do live music performances on Raw. Remember Nitro? Kiss, Megadeth, West Texas Rednecks? It didn't work.
6)Shawn Michaels interviewed by Todd Grisham
When Michaels was shown talking on a cell phone, I thought it was forshadowing for somebody's return. HHH? Nash? Hall? Mideon? Turns out it was nothing.
7)Chris Masters def. Rosey in a Masterlock Challenge squash
Can the WWE bury the tag team division any lower? Yes, apparently they can. WEEEELLLLLL ITS THE BIG SLOW. And nobody cares. Atleast they are putting Masters in a feud with someone. I hate how they use Big Show. He could be a monster main eventer if they built him up right.
8)Edge interviewed by Todd Grisham and goes off on internet fans.
9)Hulk Hogan responds to Michaels' challenge
I didn't like how Hogan didn't get a ring introduction. The fans were nuts for him. Long ovation. Michaels comes out and cuts a very bad, boring promo. I don't think Michaels likes playing the heel in this feud because he has been holding back on his promos. He is trying to play the "cool heel", ala Kevin Nash or DX. For this feud to really be effective, he needs to start putting down the fans and be a true heel (think Hogan's heel-turn promo at Bash at the Beach '96). Michaels is a selfish, self-serving prima donna who is only interested in furthering his own agenda. Apparently Hogan is the same way, but he's Hogan, and I mark for him, so I don't care.
10)Edge def. Kane in a steel cage match
I didn't like how they used Matt Hardy here. I don't know how I would've have done it better, but it just didn't work for me. Then we get treated to a 20 minute yawn fest of Kane vs. Edge XXIV.
11)John Cena def. Shitpee in a lumberjack match.
Cena wins when all the faces come out to attack the heel lumberjacks.
I Liked:
1)Hogan's promo
I was indifferent to:
1)Bischoff's opening promo
2)IC Title match
3)Angle invitational
4)Lumberjack match
5)Masterlock challenge
6)Edge putting-down internet fans
I Hated:
1)Diva Search
2)Kerwin White
3)The idea of Cena/Jericho "battle of the bands"
4)Matt Hardy's ambush
5)Kane/Edge XXLIII
6)Michael's promo
RECAP:
1)Bischoff comes out to address John Cena's actions from last week. Says Cena will have a non-title lumberjack match against Shitking. I hate when they have the champion in a non-title match and I hate Shitsakey. But I like lumberjacks in a non-sexual way.
2)IC Title Match - Shelton Benjamin def. Carlito (C) by disqualification.
It is announced that the title will change hands on a count out. Immediately I know that Carlito will get himself disqualified. Why does Benjamin keep trying top-rope moves when he can't execute them. He looked really bad. Then Carlito hits him in the nuts and gets disqualified. When in the hell did they start disqualifying for that? I demand that every match Ric Flair has ever won be reversed. I also demand a pastrami sandwich, but keep that pesky Jonathan Coachman away, sneaky bastard.
3)Angle Invitational- Kurt Angle def. Matt Martel by submission (Ankle lock)
I actually didn't mind this, except for the fact that a low-blow will disqualify you but a two minute chokehold won't. What kind of logic is that? Also, I hope this isn't leading to a Martel/Angle match at Summerslam. Please get something better for Angle to do.
4)Diva Search
Holy God, this is the worst thing ever. Last year, the "trash talking" competition was decent, but this year the comments were all pre-taped. And damn these chicks are stupid. Loud "Boring" chant throughout the segment. Who likes this? Who are they marketing this to? WWE has a history of discontinuing angles with no explanation, and I don't think anyone would mind if they did it here. God this sucked. Sucked sucked sucked.
5)Kerwin White/Bischoff/Jericho
I thought this was horrible. Kerwin White is a funny idea gone horribly wrong. "If its not white, its not right"? It was fine for him to say that, but not fine for Bischoff to laugh. This gimmick is making white people look bad. So lets see: white people are bad, Arab people are bad, Mexicans are bad...so that explains why Special K is the WWE champ! Figured it out.
Whats worse is that Jericho asks Bischoff to approve a battle of the bands for next week. I hate when they do live music performances on Raw. Remember Nitro? Kiss, Megadeth, West Texas Rednecks? It didn't work.
6)Shawn Michaels interviewed by Todd Grisham
When Michaels was shown talking on a cell phone, I thought it was forshadowing for somebody's return. HHH? Nash? Hall? Mideon? Turns out it was nothing.
7)Chris Masters def. Rosey in a Masterlock Challenge squash
Can the WWE bury the tag team division any lower? Yes, apparently they can. WEEEELLLLLL ITS THE BIG SLOW. And nobody cares. Atleast they are putting Masters in a feud with someone. I hate how they use Big Show. He could be a monster main eventer if they built him up right.
8)Edge interviewed by Todd Grisham and goes off on internet fans.
9)Hulk Hogan responds to Michaels' challenge
I didn't like how Hogan didn't get a ring introduction. The fans were nuts for him. Long ovation. Michaels comes out and cuts a very bad, boring promo. I don't think Michaels likes playing the heel in this feud because he has been holding back on his promos. He is trying to play the "cool heel", ala Kevin Nash or DX. For this feud to really be effective, he needs to start putting down the fans and be a true heel (think Hogan's heel-turn promo at Bash at the Beach '96). Michaels is a selfish, self-serving prima donna who is only interested in furthering his own agenda. Apparently Hogan is the same way, but he's Hogan, and I mark for him, so I don't care.
10)Edge def. Kane in a steel cage match
I didn't like how they used Matt Hardy here. I don't know how I would've have done it better, but it just didn't work for me. Then we get treated to a 20 minute yawn fest of Kane vs. Edge XXIV.
11)John Cena def. Shitpee in a lumberjack match.
Cena wins when all the faces come out to attack the heel lumberjacks.
I Liked:
1)Hogan's promo
I was indifferent to:
1)Bischoff's opening promo
2)IC Title match
3)Angle invitational
4)Lumberjack match
5)Masterlock challenge
6)Edge putting-down internet fans
I Hated:
1)Diva Search
2)Kerwin White
3)The idea of Cena/Jericho "battle of the bands"
4)Matt Hardy's ambush
5)Kane/Edge XXLIII
6)Michael's promo
posted by hulkstillrules at 9:53 AM
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